We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think my moral compass just broke
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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