This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
