my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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