i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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