Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
