its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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