maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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