EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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