She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
