is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
