All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
