So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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