I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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