I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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