I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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