Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
