listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize