I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
