If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
