The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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