I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
