Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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