it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No subtext here. People are naked.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
