I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
