Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
