I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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