Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
