3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
