So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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