I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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