I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
