quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
