Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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