Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
