Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
