she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
