HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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