i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Bring me that man meat
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
