I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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