Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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