his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
