And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
