Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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