Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
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someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
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i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants