the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
