dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
