my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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