I am in a vortex of obligation.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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