did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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