is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the condom got lost in my hair
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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