it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
