She is in my trunk
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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