bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Blood and glitter go together right?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
