But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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