Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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