I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
ugly people sure do ruin things
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
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