Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
