Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
