I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I love you.
Bad choice
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