69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
