Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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