Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
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did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
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I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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