Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
