sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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