I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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