that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
