you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
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At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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