if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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