She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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