Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Sober January is a disaster.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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