Nicole vs. Life
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
