The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
